Anatomy of Love

How to rise back after “falling in love” fails?

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Love…one of the most talked about emotion in living being’s life. Yes, I, on purpose, did not say human beings…love is present in all living beings, including plants, trees, animals, and humans obviously. Great deeds have been done, monuments erected, near impossible achieved, and for sure the world is a better place — all thanks to the power of love. But the flip side is that never has any living being been so obsessed about love as we humans. We have fought wars, killed people, committed heinous crimes- all in the name of love. Love for the partner, love for properties, love for material possessions, love for self, and love for the unknown too.

Let us first try to understand the anatomy of love…lets first take a session of Science behind Love. Do you remember the time when you ran into the person you were always attracted to? Remember the initial stammer, pounding heart, the sweaty hands, and some silly things you said which you regretted afterwards? For centuries, man has associated love with heart, but the fact is, like every other emotion, love too is associated with brain. Maybe because the brain has so much more to do than a heart — which just has to keep pounding, this function of love was defined for the heart…or was it the shape of the heart which inspired the ❤️ sign. Most definitely, it would be too biological to say, “I🧠U!” 🤣. And when it is all about brain which controls all the bodily functions, it’s natural to say that love makes you feel crazy!

There are primarily 7 chemicals which control the phenomenon of love, which again can be categorized into three: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. These seven different chemicals (Testosterone, Estrogen, Dopamine, Noradrenalin, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Vasopressin) are said to be associated with these three categories of love. Without taking you deep into this chemistry of love, let’s have an overlook of these chemicals and how they affect the way we get affected by them:

Testosterone and estrogen drive lust. Our sexual organs — testes and ovaries secrete the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, which are responsible for sexual desire. Increase in libido is primarily due to testosterones in both men and women, however, women feel more sexually motivated during their ovulation period when estrogen secretion is at the highest level.

High level of Dopamine and Noradrenalin are released during the phase of attraction. When you meet the person you are attracted to, you start feeling elated, dizzy and suddenly feels like you lost your appetite. People have even mentioned they lose sleep and can’t concentrate. This is because of these two chemicals doing their job.

Finally let’s talk about attachment. Attachment involves long term and a mix of many relations. It could be a parental attachment, or maybe social or material attachment, attachment with your pets, or even good friendship. Unlike lust and attraction, attachment could encompass a variety of emotions as well as different intensities. Oxytocin and Vasopressin play a role in this type of love.

Depending on the secretion of these chemicals, the intensity of of this all-important emotion varies in an individual. Love can make or break anyone as these same chemicals can also trigger emotions like jealousy, hate, possessiveness and result in irritated, angry behaviour coupled with insomnia. How to control this? If anyone of you has an idea, please let me know 😁

Besides all these good sides of love, the other side is equally grim. We have fought wars, got involved in heinous crimes, broken relations, and have suffered immense emotional turmoil because of love. What, then, can be done to keep the good side of love more stronger and prevalent and try to reduce the side effects? Love is a complicated emotion and even when you know that it’s not getting you the good, it is almost always difficult to come out of love and move on. Wish there was a way to know if the person is the right person for you but since there is no such way, and because love is many times refereed to as being Blind, here are a few simple tips to ensure the hurt is less severe and of shorter duration:

Acknowledge that the person isn’t the best for you. Though you may have the best interest and intentions for him/ her maybe it’s not reciprocative. Rather than show personal strength and holding on to hope, it’s always better to acknowledge the fact and take steps to move on. Do not bring the failure thought into this situation…think that you have taken an important brave step which will ensure personal growth and avoid misery to not just you but to other near and dear ones.

Identify your needs and expectations from this relationship of yours. Is it going the way that will inspire you, motivate you, and make you feel like you have a companion who will not judge you and be there for you when you are at your lowest or when you need him/ her the most? What will be your situation if the person leaves you suddenly or changes priorities? Will you be in a position to stay strong?

Accept that the relationship that you once thought meant the world to you and which actually helped you to reach this current high position in life is no longer the same. Keep the memories alive and don’t let it turn sour. Certain things and relationships are not meant to be, which needs to be accepted. Remember that the more you stretch a relationship, the more sour or bitter it may become. Respect your past and honour it by getting out of it at the right time and keep good memories intact and unaffected. There are innumerable stories wherein one of the partner starts becoming selfish as soon as his or her priorities change. You may e left high and dry thinking what did you do wrong to deserve this? Don’t fret over such a love. Just accept fate and let that person be. Not all love stories end up having a happy ending. Remember “…and they lived happily ever after’ is found only in fairy tales.

Look Ahead to more and better possibilities. How would you know what’s at the other side if you don’t cross the bridge? Holding on to your past love and keep expecting miracles to happen will only deter your health and keep you in a suspended mode. Keeping an open mind and looking for other avenues of life can help you move on and look forward in life. Agreed that sometimes when in love, we become so blinded that we never care to bother about the future and happily live the moments. But once that trance is broken and you are our of your dream world, embrace the present and look forward to a better and more exciting life ahead.

Prioritise other relations in your life. Your parents, siblings, children, or even work colleagues. Understanding that there are other relations too which need your involvement and which gives you peace, calm, and a direction in life are important to make you face the brighter sides of life. Increased oxytocin levels because of the love relationship would have taken your focus out of other relationships, which are much more critical and need more of your sane input and behavior.

Working On Yourself is so very critical. Many a times we would have changed our life pattern to suit our partner. Maybe would have changed appearance too or our wardrobe. To give time to the relationship, we would be subconsciously missing out the “me-time” where you would have otherwise be watching some show or reading or even writing. Realise these and get involved back in things which gives you pleasure, satisfaction, and a change of much needed routine. Change your appearance to feel “new” and fresh. Wok on yourself, pamper yourself…take care of yourself.

Invoke the left brain too. Neurology says brain has two hemispheres- the right and the left. Right brain is associated with feelings, emotions, vision, and is creative. Whereas, the left side of the brain is more logical, reasoning, and analytical. It’s like differentiating between Like and Love. If Love is Blind, Liking somebody cannot be blind. There are strong reasons, qualities, and characteristics about a person which you like, unlike love, which could be just an emotional turmoil. So, when you start getting the stomach jitters, think…analyse, and then decide whether to jump in and take it forward or stay alert.

Consult a therapist or just good friends. If nothing works, if self-help isn’t happening, there are people who have gone through similar situations and have come out of it, who can help. There are therapists, psychologists, etc. who have learnt and studied human nature and behaviour who can surely assist. Whatever you do, whosoever you consult, just ensure you move on and accept the new phase of life — a phase which might be much better, brighter, and more beneficial.

Passing thoughts

So…this is anatomy of love. The good and the bad of this powerful emotion. I know it’s easier said than done that once a relationship ends, just switch off the switch and everything will be fine. But then if it’s not destined to work, it’s better to accept and look at the brighter side! And if it does work, enjoy the special feeling, rejoice and go conquer the world with love, happiness, and passion! After all not everyone gets the desired love…you may be the lucky one, the blessed one — ❤️ or should it be 🧠?

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